I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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