sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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