Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
