Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
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