apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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