Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
