How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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