that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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