I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
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She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I will pee on everything he values.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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