you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
