I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
