yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
