'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
