btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
