So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.