I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
The power of my boobs compel you
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
