Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that