She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Dating After Heartbreak
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"