I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
