I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
