Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
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