I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize
