Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
He better not be in your backpack
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
