I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
