Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Randomize
