I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
