My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
She's like a pop up book from hell.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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