Joe is yelling at the trees again.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Randomize
