I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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