thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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