the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Rumble strips road head = magical
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
