this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
