Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
love makes seman taste better
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
