too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
