I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
