One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
