Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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