I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
