we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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