So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
