are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
