im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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