toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
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He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
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