She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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