Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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