ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
