dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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