im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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