Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
