So drunk its hurt
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
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