im six kinds of drunk right now
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
