i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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