glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
