he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
