nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
