Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
