apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
