i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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