You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
