Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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