yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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