i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
