why didn't you poke me back
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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