I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize