hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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