from now on my penis is your penis
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
