hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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