In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
