He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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