Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
