i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
