So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
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then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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